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My Birth Story

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Does anyone else absolutely love telling their birth story?!? I don’t know why but whenever someone asks I light up and instantly go into detail. So I’m going to share it with you!

July 1st – 8 more days till my due date , I could last 8 more days its not so bad. Ive done 39 weeks already whats a few more days. I walk outside for a minute into the disgusting humid weather 90 degrees at 9am, walk back inside and tell matt “this baby needs to get out Im not lasting 8 more days.” We ended up spending the day at our friends new apartment. The guys were hanging out drinking and getting the apartment together and I on the other hand took my usual spot in the corner section of the couch, feet up, food on my belly. Fast forward a few hours and we decide to grab dinner at this Italian tapas restaurant called Spuntino. Great spot and the food is amazing! The amount of food I ate that night was insane, even pregnant I had a limit but that night I just kept eating like it was my last meal. On the way home I was so uncomfortable, I felt like I had indigestion which I kinda expected at that point but it felt different. Once I got home I took some tums, drank some seltzer and called it a night. Around 2am I woke up to contractions, Ive had some braxton hicks in the prior weeks but this was different and I knew it was the real thing. I started timing my contractions so I could get an idea where I was at ,they were lasting for about a minute to a minute a half every 5-10 minutes. Way too early to go to the hospital so I labored at home, I walked around the apartment a bit, used my yoga ball, and took a bath. This entire time matt is asleep and has no idea his little girl was on the way!

At 630am I woke him up and told him everything, his response was “are you sure?, i don’t think its time”. I laughed and said get in the shower and be ready to leave in a bit and pack your shit because we aren’t coming back here. I got to my 39 week check up and told my doctor what was going on, she checked me and sure enough I was 2cm dilated and 30% effaced BUT my blood pressure was extremely high 160/100. The last few weeks I was having high blood pressure every doctor visit and they would send me to hospital to be monitored for 3 hours and once it was back to normal I went home. That was extremely scary for me especially because matt was working crazy hours, he wasn’t home a lot at night which made me nervous. We get to the hospital at 830am and before heading upstair to labor and delivery I made a quick run to the cafe and got a bagel because I had no idea how this day would turn out and when I would eat again! Trying to eat my bagel and breathe through the contractions was something I never thought I’d be doing but there I was in the corner table of Au Bon Pain. I was admitted at 9:30am, I swear I lucked out, my labor and delivery nurse was the sweetest and her name was Nicole Marie! Once I was settled in I called my parents and told them to head over, I had dilated to 4cm and 70% effaced in the matter of an hour and a half. I had a feeling everything was going to go very fast. As my contractions started to increase Gianna’s heart rate would drop each time I had one. I made it to 6cm and thats when I told matt to get the nurse Im ready for an epidural, 12 hours of labor I was proud of myself but I was also exhausted. Getting the epidural was so intense, I had to sit up on the side of the bed while they inject a needle into my spine BUT at the same time I have to work through my contractions and not make a move otherwise something could go wrong. And what sucks even more is they make your husband leave the room, so you’re going through this experience with two total strangers in the room with you. It was over pretty fast and before I knew it my pain was gone and I decided I was going to try and take a nap, only problem was my only comfortable position(on my side) wasn’t good because they couldn’t monitor the baby. As I’m laying in bed watching friends without sound because they couldn’t find the remote – my husband is eating his Chinese food that his parents brought for him cause you know he was starving, I started to feel a lot of pressure. It took me a few minutes to figure out what was happening so my mother in law went to get my nurse and doctor, 3:45pm my doctors exact words “oh wow she’s right here.” I was in shock, I just got my epidural wasn’t I supposed to take a nap? doesn’t the epidural slow down the process? In the matter of 30 seconds my room filled with nurses and doctors, my bed transformed, and I was being told exactly how to breathe and what to do. It was so surreal, I always imagined what it would be like, how nerve wracking it would be, but it wasn’t at all I was extremely calm and ready to do this.

Three pushes and 15 mins later Gianna Rose was born at exactly 4:00pm weighing 5lbs 4oz and 19 inches long.

From start to finish my birth experience was amazing and I know you don’t hear that too often, I went in there expecting the absolute worst because of stories I’ve heard from others and when I tell my story to some they look at me like I’m crazy. Im extremely grateful to have had such a wonderful pregnancy as well as labor and delivery, but I know its not like that for everyone. Either way we go through this journey and our bodies go through hell and back but at the end all we want is for our babies to be healthy.

Recipes

Feeding time at the zoo…

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Yesterday was the first time in awhile I cooked dinner. It was just me and Gianna, matt was working late. I had made tacos for dinner and a chickpea salad which is such an easy side dish or even snack, Im going to give you the recipe I use. Anytime I am in the kitchen by the counter Gianna just knows that I am cooking or there is food up there and she immediately wants it. She screams and screams for me to pick her up so she can see what she’s missing out on. I needed to cook dinner so I made her a quick pb&j sandwich with my new cut-n-seal from pampered chef. This gave me a total of 10-15 mins to prep. I had no idea my daughter was going to be so crazy when it came to food I literally cannot eat or have food out in front of her. Anyone else babies like this?!? It is so exhausting, sad to say but I have hid in the bathroom to eat a snack lol.

I made it through her temper tantrum, I cooked dinner and I was happy. I prepped her plate so that I could also enjoy dinner. I always find it hard for me to actually enjoy my meal because I’m so busy trying to make sure she has enough food, she’s drinking her water, picking up the food she dropped, and the list goes on. Im still trying to figure out ways to make eating our meals easier so if anyone has helpful tips let me know =) Side note- its usually just me and her since my husbands hours are all over the place so thats why its been so difficult for me to work through this.

Clearly loving her food

Chickpea Salad:

  • 1-2 cans of chickpeas ( one can is good for 2 people )
  • 1 red onion
  • 1/2 cup of feta crumbles
  • 1/4 cup of cherry tomatoes
  • Salt & pepper to taste
  • Olive oil or a mixture of mayo & honey dijon with a little bit of sweet relish.

** don’t add too much honey dijon it could be a bit spicy. **

Blogs

Thank God for Grandparents…

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If someone would of told me a year ago how much I would rely on my parents when I had a baby I would of thought you were lying. This past week has been tough. Gianna not only had coxsackie but she also has FOUR MOLARS coming in. Yes you read that correctly 4 of them. One morning she was up and ready to go by 6am and I absolutely was not. There we were in the living room 6:30am watching cartoons , sun is rising and I’m trying to figure out how I’m getting through this day. My husband was leaving for work at 9:30 and the thought of just going through the day by myself was giving me anxiety. I called up my parents and asked if they were around I’d like to come visit for the day, they said “no problem come on over.”

I got there a little before noon, they live about 45 mins away in Queens right on the beach. My brother was also there for the day, it was his FDNY family picnic right on the beach a block away. We went down for a few hours, Gianna ran around, I was able to sit down and relax for a bit, and my parents happily watched her. Thinking back to when I was growing up I always had a good relationship with my dad, my mom and I had a rocky one and still kinda do. Part of me thinks she’s trying to make up for our failed relationship through Gianna. She is their pride and joy, its like life started all over again for them. Anyway, after our beach day we went back home and had dinner, I started getting Gianna ready to go when my dad says ” we will keep her overnight, you and matt get some sleep.” I swear to god there were tears in my eyes. I was so happy and so appreciative in that moment you’d think I had just won the lottery. A full nights sleep? I don’t have to wake up 4x with a screaming baby? I can sleep past 630am?? What is that like??? I graciously accepted, I put her to bed and was on my way. I got home and told matt the good news- I think we were both asleep by 11pm. We slept like the dead not waking once until 8am and i stayed in bed a little longer just cause I could. It was a rainy dreary morning we had coffee and breakfast together in peace! My parents didn’t bring her back until the afternoon. In the matter of 2.5 seconds she destroyed the living room and her toys were all over the floor, but it was ok. I had a full nights sleep, I got to recharge, I spent time with my husband and I was ready for her. I think my parents could see that I was struggling when I went to their house, they could see how exhausted I was mentally and emotionally.

It truly is the little things in life that mean the most. Children that get to grow up with their grandparents in their lives are so lucky.

Lots of love,

Nicole

Blogs

Teething is the devil

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Good morning everyone!

Its almost 8am and I’ve been up since roughly 4am with a teething baby who has two molars coming in. (Send help) Her sleeping patters for the last two weeks have been absolutely awful and I am loosing it. The constant whining and crying all day, and then at night she’s up every 3-4 hours and it takes about 45 mins to get her back to sleep, so clearly we aren’t getting much sleep over here. And like clockwork she is up everyday at 6:20am!!! It makes no sense, how is she not tired?!

After about 2-3 weeks of the same thing is when sleep deprivation starts to set in for me and I get into this funk where I don’t have the energy which makes sense because I haven’t had a decent nights sleep in weeks, and my PPD/PPA starts up again. I can just feel it, I’m emotional, I’m angry, I can’t think straight, I don’t want to be around anyone , and everything bothers me. It doesn’t just affect me emotionally , its mentally and physically too. I don’t have the energy to do anything but I have too, because I can’t sit inside with a 14 month old all day, the idea of cooking dinner just exhausts me. It affects my daily routine like crazy, I try so hard to work on myself day by day and then I’m completely thrown off from lack of sleep. If you’re reading this and you have some helpful tips/tricks to help gianna with teething and sleeping longer I would greatly appreciate it. At this point I’m willing to try whatever. Now its time for more coffee, hope you all have a great day!

Blogs

Meet the Mommy Squad

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Hey everyone! Its been a bit since I last wrote, things have been hectic over here. Gianna has her first year molars coming through and we are not getting much sleep, but thats expected. Thats why the Starbucks app is always open on my phone!

Anyway, if this is your first time checking out my blog thank you! If not then you’ve read my previous posts and know that I struggled for a bit with postpartum depression. I never opened up to anyone about it because I was embarrassed and didn’t want to be judged, and I also didn’t want to admit it to myself. A few weeks ago my friends took me out for my birthday and at dinner I finally opened up to them about my struggles and it felt terrifying and amazing at the same time to finally get this off my chest. I was shaking while I was telling them everything. Not one of them had any clue what I was going through, and their first question was ” why didn’t you just tell me”? Because I couldn’t! I could not accept that this was my life and that I was struggling to be a mom/wife/friend. But I am so thankful for these wonderful girls that when I called or texted them asking to come over, go out to dinner or watch a movie, they were there instantly. In that moment, they had no idea how much they were helping me and how much I relied on them. Throughout my life Ive always had a lot of different groups of friends, and as my life progressed some stayed and some went. Ive always had a close group of girlfriends, that have been there for me through the different stages of my life. That have seen me at my worst and at my best and still stuck by me.

When I became a mom a lot of people would tell me to get ready for my friends to not come around as much or not be apart of my life as much. It was the total opposite for me, my girlfriends were AMAZING!!! Of course, all of the mom friends that I made have been pretty awesome too. #momtribe is a necessity to get through this life. The random midnight text messages asking “is my kids poop supposed to look like this?”, or “when does the crying stop”, “is it wrong to start drinking at noon”? Questions you aren’t afraid to ask other moms because they will totally relate and not judge you at all.

My friends pre-baby bring me back to the old me which is nice. At times I sort of forget who I used to be, I used to love to read & cook ,obviously I cook dinner for my family, but I used to really cook these great meals and I would experiment with new recipes, and take my time prepping the meals and actually sit down and eat my dinner. Now I probably have a solid 45 minutes to prep and cook before Gianna realizes there is food on the counter that I am not sharing with her. But this is motherhood right? Its all about learning to live this new life while not loosing yourself and I am grateful for the girls who have stuck by me.

Thanks for reading!!

Blogs

Happy Monday…

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You ever wake up and just know its gonna be one of those days?? Yep that was me today. Gianna kept us up most of the night I’m not sure if its her first year molars or a sleep regression but something is brewing. By the third time she woke up I just brought her into bed with us because at this point Fuck it!! She slept pretty good, she tossed and turned till she found her spot right up against me. I on the other hand was kicked in the throat, and the stomach and pretty sure I got an elbow to the eye, but hey as long as she’s comfy right? I also was accompanied by our 3 cats, each of them right up against me as well in the most obnoxious spots too! Anyway, my husband slept better than me- in the sense that he didn’t have a tiny human karate chopping him ; He woke up with her thank god. I slept an entire hour in a king bed alone ( its the little things). Had an early morning dentist appt only to find out I have to get my last wisdom tooth removed- I despise the dentist. Anyone else an awful dental patient? I literally warned the doctor of how bad of a patient I am, and he responds with ” oh all my patients say that, then they turn out to be the best”. haha ok buddy try doing some X-rays on me lets see how far we get, needless to say we got the front of my mouth, he said the back looked ok just by looking in lmao. After that debacle I decided to do a #targetrun with my daughter. I had two returns and needed some stuff. I promised I would only get what was on my list. YEA RIGHT. I legit lie to myself every time I walk into that store, I should not be allowed to go in there alone…ever. Gianna basically screamed the entire time while I bribed her with snacks. We leave and come home have some lunch and its almost her nap time. Im thinking great she should nap well since she was up a lot and its been about 7 hours since she woke up. I was soo wrong; this kid screamed for 40 mins before laying down for 20 and screaming again. I sat there staring at her monitor just praying she would fall asleep. She would not let up, I had so much planned for that free time I was dreaming about since 8am. I was gonna clean up the living room, put up new curtains, eat some lunch , catch up on Southern Charm ( my new favorite show)! Instead I pleaded with a 1 year old to sleep even for a half hour at this point because I was at my breaking point. I can’t understand how my friends have their kids on such awesome sleeping schedules and I can’t even get mine to nap for an hour. Its so exhausting, but this is motherhood right? Some kids are excellent sleepers, others aren’t. Some are picky eaters and others will eat whatever you give them. Just when you think you have it all figured out they change the game for you, constantly keeping us on our toes. I probably should of been in bed two hours ago but I wanted to jump on here and write a bit. Hoping for a better day tomorrow and if not , we will try again the next day. Have a great night everyone.

Nicole

Blogs

Backstory

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Hey everyone! Hope you all had a good weekend!! We just got in a little while ago, spent the day at the beach with my family, such a picture perfect day too. So I want to give you a little backstory as to why I decided to go ahead and start my own blog. Ive been a mom for a little over a year now, and let me tell you…..I don’t know how I have survived. I had days that I felt like they would never end, then there were days that I didn’t want to end. The months leading up to having my daughter everyone would always say “little girls are so much fun, you’re going to love it”, or “motherhood is going to come so natural to you”, and “You’ll figure it out but make sure you enjoy the ride.” I would nod and smile at everyone and say “yes Im so excited for this next chapter I can’t wait”, but part of me was terrified mostly of the unknown. How am I going to raise a baby? I can barely take care of myself somedays. I had my daughter on July 2, 2018- best day of my life. This little peanut looked me in the eyes and from that moment on I knew that I was forever changed, I just didn’t know how much change was going to occur in the following months. Like any new parent, you have to figure out what works best for you and for baby- by 8 weeks we kinda had an idea and somewhat of a schedule or at least I thought so. My daughter would not nap for us, she would cat nap 15 mins here and there max 30 mins. During that span of time I tried to do anything I could- drink my coffee, shower, do the dishes, eat, or attempt to sleep too. Choosing which one of those to do was my biggest battle. She also wasn’t really sleeping too good at night, so sleep deprivation started to hit and it was brutal. During the winter months I was inside a lot with her, too cold to really go for a walk and she was still too small to take her to any of the children gyms/playspaces. I woke up one morning, opened my eyes and I just didn’t want to get out of bed. I had nothing in me, I was so burnt out I couldn’t even function. Too bad though, I had too. I thought I was just in a funk and not feeling good, but I started feeling like this more and more. I didn’t want to get out of bed, I didn’t want to get out of my pjs, I didn’t want to see anyone with the chance of actually having to talk to someone. I cried for no reason, the littlest things would set me off. I would get mad at my husband for leaving and going to work!!! It sounds insane and at the time I knew how crazy it sounded but I was literally mad at him for being able to get out of the house alone, drive in his car alone, eat in peace, or even work out. It hit me out of nowhere POSTPARTUM DEPRESSION. I never thought I would be that person I also didn’t expect it to happen 6 months after I had a baby. I struggled for months I didn’t tell anyone except my husband, I kept a smile on my face when I was out but back at home I cried more times than Id like to admit. I took every chance to get out when my husband was home or when my parents were around- yet the second I left I wanted to go back. No one prepared me for this – the loneliness, the isolation, the loss of my old self. I wish someone would of been brutally honest with me instead of saying “its going to be great”. Yes it was, and still is great but it was really fucking hard, a lot harder than I had imagined. I don’t know why people tend to shy away from speaking about the difficulties of being a new mom, but I wish someone had told me to be prepared for these hard times because they will most likely happen. If you’ve made it this far, thank you for reading this, I appreciate it. I hope you come back for more.

Nicole

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A little about me…

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Hey Everyone! Just wanted to briefly introduce myself and tell you why I decided to go ahead and start a blog on motherhood. My name is Nicole, I am 33 years old and live on Long Island, NY. I’ve been married 4 years and we welcomed our first child last July. Her name is Gianna Rose and she is my world. Transitioning into motherhood was nothing like I had expected it to be. Honestly, it was completely different from what I did expect. Part of me felt silly for not realizing how incredibily challenging it would be. I was the first of my friends to get married and the first to have a baby, I was clueless. I read books, talked to others, took classes, but how could that possibly prepare me for what was going to change my life forever? It couldn’t. Fast forward to a year later, I still feel like I sometimes have no idea what I am doing and am literally just hanging on by a thread, but I’m doing it. I’m excited to share my life with you all – the good, the bad, and the ugly. Motherhood is a wild ride.