Hey everyone! I want to give you a little backstory as to why I decided to go ahead and start my own blog. Ive been a mom for a little over a year now, and let me tell you…..I don’t know how I have survived. I had days that I felt like they would never end, then there were days that I didn’t want to end. The months leading up to having my daughter everyone would always say “little girls are so much fun, you’re going to love it”, or “motherhood is going to come so natural to you”, and “You’ll figure it out but make sure you enjoy the ride.” I would nod and smile at everyone and say “yes Im so excited for this next chapter I can’t wait”, but part of me was terrified mostly of the unknown.
How am I going to raise a baby? I can barely take care of myself somedays. I had my daughter on July 2, 2018- best day of my life. This little peanut looked me in the eyes and from that moment on I knew that I was forever changed, I just didn’t know how much change was going to occur in the following months. Like any new parent, you have to figure out what works best for you and for baby- by 8 weeks we kinda had an idea and somewhat of a schedule or at least I thought so. My daughter would not nap for us, she would cat nap 15 mins here and there max 30 mins. During that span of time I tried to do anything I could- drink my coffee, shower, do the dishes, eat, or attempt to sleep too. Choosing which one of those to do was my biggest battle. She also wasn’t really sleeping too good at night, so sleep deprivation started to hit and it was brutal.
During the winter months I was inside a lot with her, too cold to really go for a walk and she was still too small to take her to any of the children gyms/playspaces. I woke up one morning, opened my eyes and I just didn’t want to get out of bed. I had nothing in me, I was so burnt out I couldn’t even function. Too bad though, I had too. I thought I was just in a funk and not feeling good, but I started feeling like this more and more. I didn’t want to get out of bed, I didn’t want to get out of my pjs, I didn’t want to see anyone with the chance of actually having to talk to someone. I cried for no reason, the littlest things would set me off. I would get mad at my husband for leaving and going to work!!! It sounds insane and at the time I knew how crazy it sounded but I was literally mad at him for being able to get out of the house alone, drive in his car alone, eat in peace, or even work out. It hit me out of nowhere POSTPARTUM DEPRESSION.
I never thought I would be that person I also didn’t expect it to happen 6 months after I had a baby. I struggled for months I didn’t tell anyone except my husband, I kept a smile on my face when I was out but back at home I cried more times than Id like to admit. I took every chance to get out when my husband was home or when my parents were around- yet the second I left I wanted to go back. No one prepared me for this – the loneliness, the isolation, the loss of my old self.
I wish someone would of been brutally honest with me instead of saying “its going to be great”. Yes it was, and still is great but it was really fucking hard, a lot harder than I had imagined. I don’t know why people tend to shy away from speaking about the difficulties of being a new mom, but I wish someone had told me to be prepared for these hard times because they will most likely happen. If you’ve made it this far, thank you for reading this, I appreciate it. I hope you come back for more.
Lots of Love,
Nicole
Snuggles and Struggles 